reyna man, sumasablay din. :)

LSS: Tangled Up in Me - Skye Sweetnam.

Yes, that is the song stuck in my head right now. I've no idea how or why, but it just is. Now the song made me realize a couple of things I usually do. And I know those are the same things that other girls have done, are doing, and will probably do in the foreseeable future. I'll struggle to explain and share what I *ehem* know and do not know.

(some lines are taken out because they are only repetitions)

See? I mean, let's face it girls. We really tend to be vague at times. Not just tend, we even mean to be vague. We would purposefully hold back what we truly feel and this confuses the members of the opposite sex. When asked about relationship-related stuff, we give answers one second then take them back the next. We send out wrong signals. We like guys but we push them away. We mean to say sweet nothings but we end up saying nothing at all-- which isn't very sweet, by the way. Our insides are itching to tell those guys that we heart them, but what? We avoid confrontations. Weird, weird, weird. And to think that we are fully aware of such crap.

Those are my fave lines. And for me, they are the ones that really reflect what we imply when we do what we do. In my personal opinion and experience, I push guys away for two reasons-- to keep the "thing" from happening and to see how much they're into me (kapal!)

The former is really all about "kung kame talaga, eh di kame". Pushing people away is usually done to cut short something that might cause pain in the long run. (e.g. avoiding future hurts from a relationship). Most girls actually push guys away because they're scared of getting into something that's too risky. But in reality, they wait for the guys to make their comebacks. Now if the guy is that serious, he'll definitely return with more effort and assurance. It's now up to the girl's "security level". Will she give in or push all over again?

But I don't really get it now that I thought of it. What if both parties believe in "kung kame talaga, eh di kame"? Then both of them would be waiting for the other to make "the move". Both of them would let things be and let "destiny" run the rest of their lives. Where does happy ending fit in this kind of picture then? I. Don't. Know.

Moving on, girls definitely like guys to be "sensitive". They want their guys to know them enough to distinguish what is real and not. It's like claiming you're ok and then this guy looks you in the eye and says, "Tell me the truth". When girls say/do things opposite from what they mean to, they want guys to know "reverse psychology". I don't really know why I do it-- saying/doing the wrong thing on purpose, that is. Hmm... probably because I don't want to be too obvious or that I'm too shy/scared/worried of admitting my true feelings. (Eew. This is really starting to get shitty.)

I also think that some guys actually find the magulo-ness of girls cute. It's like adding more fun and spice in the whole process of falling in love. And the more that they do not understand, the more they find themselves getting into these girls. As for the ladies, I think that each one of us don't mean to be evil when we torture these gents. It's just that some things are better off implicit. Who would want to further complicate something that's complex enough on its own, right? We just hide because we want to feel the magic of being found. Am I right or am I right?

Ok, I think I'm gonna cut this short. It's too complicated to put down in words. I, myself, am lost for words. Did I confuse you more? Sorry! I even succeeded in confusing myself. Haha. There's really nothing I could do to make everyone understand both sides. And I'm kinda glad that that's the case. Love is too beautiful a thing for analyzation, after all.

One thing is for sure, though. Guys and girls both go to the extremes just so they could get tangled up in each other. I'll be damned if I'm not guilty of this one. ^__^

Little Ira Santos has always been a bundle of joy to me during my years at Bethany. He was Teacher Enang and Teacher George's son-- their only son. Very cute and smart at a young age, no wonder he was everyone's favorite. Students from different levels would run to him every afternoon, asking him questions which he would answer in his pretty little boy manner. I was always one of those students. I would go to little Ira while he's riding his bike or taking a sip from his feeding bottle, talking to him and finding myself smiling back at his cute childish laugh. Yes, he was every bit of an angel. And people just can't seem to get enough of this boy.

I soon graduated from grade school and transferred. I never got to see Ira again. And what's more heartbreaking is that I'll never get the chance to do so ever-- my little Ira passed away last week.

I had no idea whatsoever at first, though I was told by a classmate of mine that one of my grade school teachers' child died. Having no phone and losing all my elementary contacts, I didn't know who or how to ask. I also wasn't able to go online because I got sick. But just yesterday, when I decided to check on my mail, I saw this bulletin of Nina's on Friendster saying that she read Ralph's (another batchmate of mine) post on "the great loss" of Teacher Enang and Teacher George. Apparently, Nina doesn't have any idea on what happened (after all, her family migrated to the US). But I... I was more than just shocked. It all became clear to me suddenly. But I refused to believe. No, I don't want to believe.

So I looked for Ralph's post and true enough, the message was there. Teacher Enang and Teacher George's great loss. I remember staring blankly at the computer screen for a couple of seconds. Afterwards, I just cried. I cried because I felt sorry for my dear teachers. I cried because I wasn't able to visit his wake. I cried because I wasn't able to attend the funeral (which was the same day that I actually learned it was Ira). I cried because I wasn't able to see Ira again after elementary. I cried because he was too young to be taken away. I just cried.

But I believe that everything has a purpose. From the start, God had planned out Ira's life. He sent Ira into this world to deliver a message-- that of faith and finding joy in simple things, a message that my little angel Ira embodied so well.

To my little Ira, I know that Heaven is where little angels like you belong. I also know that you are much safer and happier resting in God's arms. Your memory will forever dwell in our hearts. We will miss you little Ira.♥

Just when we thought that the decision of not joining this year's speech choir competition is final, Kuya Mark showed up. (yesterday, Friday, actually)

KUYA MARK SHOWED UP. OH. MY. GOD.

Three days for practice? Game. =)

And that same day that he did show up, we finished the choreography for the entire piece. It took us 3 hours or so. 3 HOURS OR SO. OH. MY. GOD.

And that begins the story of "My Amazingly Big Muscle-strained Calves". Ugh. My calves hurt like hell. Actually, my whole body hurts, just not as "hellish" as my calves do.

But I don't care. Main goal: Bag the champion's spot in the competition. ^__^

On another sweet note, lunchbreak today has never been more fun. While waiting for the faculty members to settle matters about our practice space, we (Deb, Vean, Zahra, and partly Kym) indulged ourselves in Kuya Mark's colorful fun-filled stories. =) It was really awesome talking to him about random stuff. His experiences, being gay (and proud, for that matter!), college, his being the production designer of my brother's film, BOYS! – everything was fun, fun, fun! ^__^

*sigh* And I just realized that we'll no longer see him next year and the years to come. At least we do share a bit of a bond now. =)

Topic shift. I'm home alone now. Mama, Daddy and Kaka Mimin all went to the "Mega Concert". Yea, the one that Sharon Cuneta's on. *sigh* I wish I could see geeky Christian Bautista. He's such a geek and I love him. <3

I'm off to Dreamland in a bit. So tired. Must sleep. ^__^

PS. We'll be having our dress rehearsal tomorrow. Gotta lay my hands on those costumes! =)

PPS. I want to go to town. I want to get my mind off things. Maybe I will after the practice. ^__^

Finally, a chance to post the crazy madness running through this so-called brain of mine. =)


TWO UNWANTED GUESTS. AND ANOTHER ONE ON ITS WAY. Typhoons Milenyo and Neneng have succeeded in making every Filipino's life miserable. Nonstop heavy rains and winds causing uncomfortable power interruptions really made my day(s), thank you very much. But I don't hold it much against the electric company. After all, things can't always be zapped back to the way they were. Nor am I blaming "nature" for taking its course. It always happens during this time of the year so there's nothing to be surprised of. The good thing is that Neneng's finally exiting the Philippine Area of Responsibility. Bad news: Another tropical depression is building up somewhere in the southern area. *groan* This is not good.

BRAINFREEZE! Last Tuesday, I passionately made ice cream at Deb's. ["passionately" is such a strong word. But really, that's the way I worked. Haha.] From our estimated production of 400 cups, the results slapped us hard with only 125. [Tama ba, Deb?] Yea, it didn't even reach half of our estimates. Haha. But it was fun, though. Feeling expert ang lola. Haha. We weren't able to sell them at the fair yet due to the excessive brownouts, but we're getting there. =) Tara, bili kayo! Bagay na bagay ang product namin sa weather! Hahahaha!

JAYA ALMOST MADE IT TO THE NEWS! Jaya (Sashimika), our cute Pekingese, almost drowned. I don't know the whole story since I spent the night at Deb's but when I got home, our house's floor was wet. Yea, WET. Apparently, some pipe's unfixed so the water from the backside of our house started to get in through our bathroom. [I don't really know how. Haven't taken lessons in Plumbing 101. Lol.] According to my mom's certified almost-true speculations, this occurred sometime around 12MN. And our dear Jaya, who happens to stay in the living room, was found almost submerged in water. [You see, Jaya's a little dog. She has really short legs and doesn't have a talent in jumping up. Tsk tsk.] My dad, the ogre [haha!] who claims that he hates dogs, was the one who rescued Jaya. [Uy, may special connection na sila! Haha!] After the whole thing, we just laughed at the thought of our precious little dog drowning, saying "Breaking News! Isang aso natagpuang palutang-lutang at nalunod dahil kay Neneng!" Haha. Funny. =)

KLSP. So with all that's happening around me, the ulcer residing in my abdomen is also currently craving for attention. Stupid stomach. I'm getting myself a new one. Haha! =)

WANTED: SPEECH CHOIR TRAINER. We haven't heard from Kuya Mark in days now. The competition's on the 9th (Monday) and we only practiced the choreo until the first paragraph of the piece. The piece itself is short but that doesn't make us feel any better about him not showing up. Without his artistic ideas, the whole thing's going to bomb. *sigh* Please show up, Kuya. =(

GOONIE AND THE GANG. I would like to take this opportunity to thank the Judas-looking snatcher who took the liberty to grab my phone. Because of you and your kind, [Whew! Kind. Haha.] I'm having nightmare-like dreams where people try to get things from me. Just last Monday night, I dreamt of two guys who tried to take away my bag on my birthday. And to make it worse, they were holding daggers. Sheesh. Now I'm filled with paranoid thoughts while walking through town and it's all because of you, dear goonie. I'm starting to develop a fear of long-haired men because they remind me of you. And what you said to my bestfriend when she got down keeps on repeating itself in my mind. "Babay..." *shivers* It gives me the chills, man! You and your kind should all reevaluate your life status. If you're needy, then so are the people around you. Think about it. It might help.


I guess that's all. Or maybe I forgot a few minor details. Hehe. But anyways, gotta run now. Stay safe, everyone. God bless! =)

PS. *toot*'s a loser. i heart losers. i heart *toot*. wee! i guess i aced ACET's Logic Exam. haha. =))